The Great Debate

Dawn and I have an ongoing debate about how, when and to whom we tell about the nature of our relationship. I want to tell everyone. Right Now. Here are my arguments -

1. If Dawn were a boy, I wouldn’t hesitate to say “husband.” Why should I not refer to her as “wife” or “partner”?

2. I don’t want to get in any deeper than necessary with bigots. I like to get the lesbian revelation out of the way in a new relationship, be it with a new friend or a new business associate or a doctor or anyone else. If the new person is a bigot, I want to know right away.

3. The children. I want to protect the children as much as possible.

Time out: This is where I don't trust you to remember to click on my paying gig, so I'm going to help you. That was the tease. This is the remainder of the article.

Conversation On The Way Home From School

William: What does a purple flag mean? Purple flag at beach?

Me: It means there are dangerous animals in the water.

William: Like jellyfish.

Me: Yes.

William: And stingrays.

Me: That's right.

William: And dragons.

Me: Dragons?

Faith: Yes. Some people believe there are dragons and monsters in the sea, but I don't.

William: Well, I do.

Ray: Roaaaaaaaaarrrrr!

Semi-Legitimate Gig

I jumped around like a monkey long enough and someone noticed. They gave me a gig. I'll be writing 3 -4 articles a week. I get paid depending on how many hits I get and how long each person stays there and how many repeat readers and how many newcomers and how many republicans and how many brunettes and how many wonderful and supportive friends I can get to click on it.

I'm so sorry to say that you'll be shamelessly reminded almost daily to give a bitch a click.

Thanks, Chickas!

http://www.examiner.com/x-4654-Pensacola-Gay-Parenting-Examiner

Stolen Idea

I found a new friend, Dena, at the Normanist Theory. (Read her. She’s in my list of blogs that I follow.) I’m borrowing her idea for this post. I was struck by her, “To my eight year-old self.” Storm is 8, so that is probably a good part of why I find this so intriguing.

Normally, I shun this line of thinking. I’m of the opinion that if you are happy where you are today, then you can’t think that you should have done anything differently. Even the smallest change in your earlier life could drastically change your present. (Think Back to the Future.) I am deliriously happy with my little life and my little family and my little house, so if pressed for an answer to, “If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently?”, I’d have to say, “Not one damn thing.”

So for the purpose of this list, I’m alleging that my eight year-old self will totally ignore my current 30 year-old self. Having known myself when I was eight, this is probably true anyway.

1. In September of your ninth grade year, you’re going to find yourself at the top of a staircase holding a huge stack of Cds. Put them down and hold onto the railing.

2. You know that boy, Harrison at your school? Be nice to him. He’s going to love you.

3. Don’t follow a boy to college. Go somewhere worthy of you, and when you get there, go to class. Everyday. Rain, sleet, hangover, just go.

4. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. Tell the truth.

5. Spend more time outside. Take the books with you if you must.

6. Don’t worry about your body. Days are soon coming when you will hate it. Cry about it if you have to, but don’t worry. It all works out.

7. Ask questions. Even when it seems silly or you feel stupid.

8. You shouldn’t worry about sharks so much. Educate yourself, but don’t be afraid. I’m 30, remember? No shark attacks, yet.

9. Don’t smoke. It’s not cool. It is disgusting. And Dawn hates it.

10. Who’s Dawn? Oh. In December of 2004, you’re going to go to a Christmas party just around the corner from your house. There’s going to be a woman wearing a red scarf. Memorize her. Don’t let yourself forget anything about this night.

HELP!

Please help me! Some Dirty Percy posted a yucky link in my comments. It has to go away. I gave this blog address to my new employer (it's a writing gig). I cannot have her thinking that I'M a Dirty Percy. How do I delete it?

Dawg - I'm counting on you here. I know you have computer skills and surely vast experience in dealing with DPs. Please help me!


Update: Jude! My hero! Thank you! Thank you! That was very easy and I feel like a moron for not noticing that little garbage can before.

Memorial Day Weekend in Pensacola Beach

March is here, so it's time to start making plans for Memorial Day. Big Pride festival. Big. Big like the-population-of-our-town-doubles big. Anybody coming?

How could you not? We have the most beautiful beaches in the world, and for 4 or 5 days they'll be covered with lesbians. When I went for the first time, a friend of a friend said, "Yeah come on. Wear a top and boardies." I had no idea what she was talking about. "You know, a bikini top and board shorts, like surfing shorts." I told her I didn't have any boardies. Blair said, "You're going to want to get some. I mean, it's a beach full of lesbians. Know what I mean?" As it turned out, "a top and boardies" did seem to be the official uniform.

Nightlife, however, requires a funny or crass t-shirt. Here's a few of my favorites.

"To do list. 1 - Your Mother. 2 - Your Sister."

"Excuse me boys, we've come for your wives."

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." -Pat Robertson

"I love Spicy Tuna."

"If you disagree with Gay Marriage, don't have one."

"Yes, we are and No, you can't watch."

I think I've settled on mine for the year. It says, "Nerdy Girls Make Me Hot." If Dawn would let me post her picture, it would make sense.

Here is my first and most important suggestion. Book now! The beachside hotels fill up quickly. The Hilton is really nice and the Comfort Inn is really convenient. You can also try VRBO.com. That stands for Vacation Rentals by Owner. We've found some really great deals there. If you stay in Pensacola proper instead of at the beach, you have to get to the beach pretty early in the day because they'll close the bridge if it gets too crowded over there.

More advice to follow as the schedule of events is released.

Just Kidding

It's 34 degrees today. Damnit!