Thursday, October 29, 2009

Gray? Grey? I don't care.

Do you ever have a day when it would just be better if you didn't talk? When everything that
comes out of your mouth is just catty? Or hateful? Or just generally unhelpful? That's me today.

There's a children's book called "My Many Colored Days." It's about moods. It's fabulous. "Gray. Gray Day. I watch, but nothing moves today." That's me today.

William parachuted from the top step, relying on a Target bag for his very life. He had a bandana tied around his head - it was pushing his little ears down. I managed a weak smile.

Ray calls pumpkins "Ump Umps." He has a little bitty one that he's been carrying around. Everywhere. I think it's floating in the tub water right now. I noticed this adorableness, but have no exuberance or soul-warmth from it.



Faith had a level 10 breakdown tonight. These come once in a blue moon but when they do, they are something truly fierce, barometric pressure altering and earth-shaking. She worked herself into such a fit that she was baring her teeth, flailing about and assaulting whoever was closest. I took this as just what I deserved. She was acting just like I feel. I was down enough to mistake her discomfort (putting it lightly) for my karma.

Storm is perfect. Thank God, the wildcard is stable.

I don't wear misery well. It's like my mother's suit - itchy and ill-fitting and boxy and hot.

I can't remember to Ham Sa. I can't remember to eat. I can't remember anything, to tell the truth. My days are foggy. You know how when you have a sinus infection, it feels like you have cotton balls stuffed between your ears? I have that confusion without the pain.

Save me, Halloween! Shake me out of this funk. Please.

.

7 comments:

  1. you need to eat all the kiddos chocolate.
    that will surely do SOMETHING for your mood!
    maybe you should just have one of those meltdowns like faith and get it out.they feel good..

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  2. Yes. Sometimes you just feel like you're watching a movie which really doesn't have anything to do with you. Or at least I do.
    You're protecting yourself. It will pass but you're going to have to float with it while it does.
    Wishing you sweeter times, honey.

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  3. I don't have anything especially inspiring to say, just wanted you to know that I'm your friend and if you ever just want to freak out on the phone and need me to listen..I'm down for that. :)

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  4. Here's an idea... Go to the beach, just you.... No take your kite too. Let the wind give it a ride for a hour this way you'll be forced to look upward, into the bright blue sky. Send all your inner junk up the kite string so it releases into the wind. One hour, just you and the kite. That should do it.

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  5. Maybe you need a release. Go some where and just scream. Let everything out. Enjoy halloween with the kids, and candy. I am sending love your alls way. (((hugs)))

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  6. I love you, Pretty Girl. It's gonna get better. I promise.

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  7. I'm with Jude. That activity, plus five pounds of candy, should shake out the cobwebs...

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