Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Crabby


I've been lost in my own brain. Believe me, it can get sticky and dark in there.

I found myself mired down in all the drama that attacked our little group here. It made me sad. It shook the comfort that I took in our strange but I thought powerful friendships. So I retreated, telling myself that I had been let down once again. I was wrong.

I let myself down. I realized that this space that began as a place for me to purge and also celebrate my sometimes quirky life stories had become over the months something of a chat room. I was writing to you and for you and not for myself. And I grew tired and felt a little bit empty.

In a house with 6 (sometimes more) people, there are very few things that are just mine. In fact I can think of only 2, my bras and my shoes and that's only because they don't fit anyone else. Small favors. But this space was all mine. No one else's, until I gave it away. I never claimed to be a genius. Well, there was that once, but that came crashing down as well. In short, I missed this little nook that I had carved out for myself.

So I'm back. (Is AC/DC playing as loudly in your head as it is in mine?) Hopefully with more discipline to record my life with my kids and my Great Love and our wonderful friends and less compulsion and desire to make you all like me, not that I wouldn't take that if it came along.

19 comments:

  1. Bout time you got back here.....missed ya, now go play and be happy.

    hugs

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  2. Oh honey. We all do that. But then, like you, we scramble back and say, WTF? The people I care to read, anyway.
    Welcome back, whatever that means.

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  3. hon, I've been on a lifelong mission to make everyone exactly like me..it doesn't work. I've sort of given up trying, but I do sit and day dream about the Utopia it would be....lol

    love ya, miss ya, can't wait to come to FL to see ya :)

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  4. I've missed you, Pretty Girl. I hope we can talk soon.

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  5. Glad to have you back! Don't let blog and people drama get you down. Don't let this place get to you. Just blog, enjoy it and not worry about that. Let it all out girl!

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  6. even though i am mostly a stranger...i like you! i've missed reading your musings. i think the thing that i love about the diverse group of people here is just that...their diversity. just like hair color, eye color, shoe and bra sizes...we are all different. different opinions and different ways of doing things. i love that! keep on being you! i personally wouldn't want it any other way!

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  7. (((hugs))) I missed you bout freaking time. I like you just fine you don't have to do anything...I look forward to one day meeting you guys.
    ps...did you see my accent up there (just fine) haha see what happens when I go without training for a couple of weeks.

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  8. I like you! And Dena likes you too. We like you all. :)

    I'm glad you're back and hope to be checking in here more often :)

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  9. b!
    i've missed hearing about all the happenings in florida.
    welcome back.

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  10. Girl, what you won't do for a little attention!!
    Have missed you greatly, am glad you're back, and can't wait to hug yer ass. Well, not your "ass", well,aw shoot, you know what I mean! OAO & I will buy the first round in NOLA!

    xoxo

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  11. I came very close to emailing "Margo" about you. I was starting to get worried but figured she'd let us know if it was anything drastic. Good to read your words again. I have missed you as you help me put all my negativity in the trash and focus on the positives. Yes, you do this for me.

    I got a new blog, lady.
    www.twogirlsandaroad.wordpress.com

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  12. I missed you, missed you, missed you!

    Welcome home.

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  13. Missed you Becca.

    The truth will set us free. Right?

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  14. HEY! You're my favourite lesbian! i LOVE you!

    Glad you're back :)

    Make this yours again xx

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