Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I've been lost in my own brain. Believe me, it can get sticky and dark in there.
I found myself mired down in all the drama that attacked our little group here. It made me sad. It shook the comfort that I took in our strange but I thought powerful friendships. So I retreated, telling myself that I had been let down once again. I was wrong.
I let myself down. I realized that this space that began as a place for me to purge and also celebrate my sometimes quirky life stories had become over the months something of a chat room. I was writing to you and for you and not for myself. And I grew tired and felt a little bit empty.
In a house with 6 (sometimes more) people, there are very few things that are just mine. In fact I can think of only 2, my bras and my shoes and that's only because they don't fit anyone else. Small favors. But this space was all mine. No one else's, until I gave it away. I never claimed to be a genius. Well, there was that once, but that came crashing down as well. In short, I missed this little nook that I had carved out for myself.
So I'm back. (Is AC/DC playing as loudly in your head as it is in mine?) Hopefully with more discipline to record my life with my kids and my Great Love and our wonderful friends and less compulsion and desire to make you all like me, not that I wouldn't take that if it came along.