Memorial Day Weekend in Pensacola Beach

March is here, so it's time to start making plans for Memorial Day. Big Pride festival. Big. Big like the-population-of-our-town-doubles big. Anybody coming?

How could you not? We have the most beautiful beaches in the world, and for 4 or 5 days they'll be covered with lesbians. When I went for the first time, a friend of a friend said, "Yeah come on. Wear a top and boardies." I had no idea what she was talking about. "You know, a bikini top and board shorts, like surfing shorts." I told her I didn't have any boardies. Blair said, "You're going to want to get some. I mean, it's a beach full of lesbians. Know what I mean?" As it turned out, "a top and boardies" did seem to be the official uniform.

Nightlife, however, requires a funny or crass t-shirt. Here's a few of my favorites.

"To do list. 1 - Your Mother. 2 - Your Sister."

"Excuse me boys, we've come for your wives."

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." -Pat Robertson

"I love Spicy Tuna."

"If you disagree with Gay Marriage, don't have one."

"Yes, we are and No, you can't watch."

I think I've settled on mine for the year. It says, "Nerdy Girls Make Me Hot." If Dawn would let me post her picture, it would make sense.

Here is my first and most important suggestion. Book now! The beachside hotels fill up quickly. The Hilton is really nice and the Comfort Inn is really convenient. You can also try VRBO.com. That stands for Vacation Rentals by Owner. We've found some really great deals there. If you stay in Pensacola proper instead of at the beach, you have to get to the beach pretty early in the day because they'll close the bridge if it gets too crowded over there.

More advice to follow as the schedule of events is released.