Menagerie

We have something of a zoo at our house. Here's the rundown. Gabby is a 75 lb. chow-lab mix. She's big and black and barks at everything bigger than a butterfly. She scares the shit out of delivery men, the mailman, and once a pair of policemen who made the mistake of jumping our fence in pursuit of a bad guy. We love her.

Yoda Marie is a 15 lb cat. She's almost 12 years old and has been with me since college. She has literally licked tears off my face. When she passes, I'll have to be locked up for a while, I'm sure.

Rocket is a little black and white cat. He ran in the front door right after we moved in. He was only a few weeks old and so little that I couldn't find him for days and days. He finally emerged and chose to stay.

Lulu and Opal are cockatiels. I gave them to Dawn for our first Christmas in our new house. The guy I got them from was a breeder and told me they were sisters. However, after their first molt, they were clearly brothers. So now we call them Lou and Opie.

There are 4 fish tanks. I won't bore you with the sordid history of the fish. Suffice it to say that the fish are plenty and my kids know that the potty is the gateway to fishy heaven.

My ex-husband gets a kick out of telling people that his ex-wife is a lesbian with a man-hating dog and transgendered birds.